“Harm’s Way” by @toridology   2 comments

Shuffling her feet through the house she made her way up the steps stumbling as her mother reminded her that mishaps are like knives, “don’t put yourself in harms way” her mother would often say. She opened her mouth to retort but found in her mouth a stolen tongue that fear had taken many years before. Her mother’s anger and rejection had taken from her the ability to have any voice. The brightest light ever was that of her smile. She entered her room, her sanctuary from all that scarred her. The sun’s rays shining through the stained glass sun catcher warmed the cold still room with blissful swirling colors that still could not find her outer smile. As she rummaged through her chest of mementos and shards of her childhood she saw something she hadn’t seen before. She had found a garden of delightful opportunities. Pieces of yarn and bits of paper she had not the ability to discard. She did not keep these things because they were of any value to her before, but because she felt they would please someone else somehow. She thought to herself greed is good, I will save these items that they may find me the happiness that she fictionally thought someone else would get. She gathered them in her hands and spread them across the hard cold wooden floor. There was no rhyme or reason to how she arranged them about her but a calm came across her as she looked at her treasures. She fell asleep among the gems of time that now made a bed for her to rest.

The door flung open and she awoke startled to see her mother at the doorway. She’d seen that look before, a bent lip, a raised forehead and eyes that burn like cigarettes. She trembled as she fumbled to pick up all the pieces and swimming though apologies to make the eyebrows relax and the now parted lips quiet. Her mother screaming and swearing at her with each breath. Her mother reached for her grabbing her firmly and shaking her before the door slammed again as she left the room to find her bottle. A few hours after this incident her mother would find sleep in the glass she pours on a ever increasing basis.

She returned each item back to the chest all her lovely treasures, not a single toy among them but they were hers. She sat with her knees up close to her face and began stroking her soft auburn hair. “Pulling your hair makes you relax” she told herself. She had thought this for quite some time as her hair had become thin and hand fulls would often come out as she relaxed. Slowly she felt sleep surround her, her eyes closed.

She awoke to the morning and pulled herself from the floor, the room quiet and the house darkened by the blinds. She made her way down those stairs and into the empty house, her mother’s chair sat alone. Her mother had abandoned that chair many many nights before. She took refuge in that chair for many years after, and the house was hers now. She still felt the sting of her mother and her anger. As she sat alone she told herself that the past exists only in your mind as she filled the glass.

toridology @toridology is a 38 yr old father of 4 and husband in the poly world with two very beautiful women who inspire him every day.

Read more from @toridology at his blog.

Posted August 17, 2010 by thejournalinggame

2 responses to ““Harm’s Way” by @toridology

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  1. I want to read more…thank you.

  2. I left me feeling most anxious.. Great vivid imagery that brought about a powerful emotional response.

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